美國編輯修改PS的示例.

　　下面澳際小編給大家分享美國編輯是如何修改ps個(gè)人陳述的，大家通過閱讀可以掌握ps寫作的一些技巧。

　　PS原文：

　　Since my time in school I have always known that science and technology was the direction I would take in my studies. It was a fascination that still carries on with me to this day. In my first chemistry class in high school I became conscious of the feeling that chemistry was something I really enjoyed. Since that time I have been down many paths that have led me back to the field of chemistry.

　　The first chemistry course I took in high school was much like any other class. It was not too involved and was geared toward learning the basics. However, I did well and was given the opportunity to take an Advanced Placement (AP) chemistry course, which I lunged at taking. The instructor, Mr. Miller, tasked us with choosing a topic to research throughout the semester, in addition to regular coursework. This was my first real introduction into research. I enjoyed going to the local universities and spending time looking through all the material.

　　Additionally, I wanted to be a pilot for the Air Force. The appeal of flight to me was great, and I spent much of my time devoted to becoming a pilot. Through much physical and mental preparation I made it into the *** Academy. My dream of becoming a pilot was well on its way. I had gone through glider training and soloed in my first aircraft. I also still had a fondness for science and opted for the science and engineering track of courses offered at the Academy. However, after two years there I learned that I would not become a pilot after all. My vision was not up to Air Force standards. It was a demoralizing setback, but one I knew I could overcome. I lt the Academy and returned to my hometown school, *** University.

　　My first semester at *** University was a difficult semester during which I did not know what I wanted to do any more. I knew I liked chemistry but I wasn&apost sure it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The military had taught me to persevere in times of adversity, so I stuck with the chemistry program. The chemistry department at the University took me in and showed me what chemistry was all about. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in labs performing experiments and learning the basics of chemistry. However, I needed more than laid out lab experiments from the books. This motivated me to seek an opportunity to perform research with Prof.***. After speaking with him, he offered me a position in his group doing research on decomposition mechanisms of electro-optic dyes. Taking him up on his offer was likely the turning point in my education as an undergraduate chemist. If not for his personal guidance and help, I doubt I would be where I am today: a young chemist with motivation and a love for chemistry.

　　The research I performed involved finding suitable organic dyes for electro-optic modulators. After gaining some experience in the lab and conducting long hours of research, I was able to present my research at *** Meetings. Networking with other chemists and seeing their research allowed me to see the full value of the courses I&aposve taken as an undergraduate. It was also during this time I decided to make chemistry a career.

　　When I completed my bachelor&aposs degree I had a two year commitment in the Air Force which I am currently close to completing. My time in the Air Force as an intelligence analyst has given me real world experience which I know I will need in the future. Completing tasks while communicating with many different people in extremely time sensitive situations has provided me with skills that no book or classroom can offer.

　　I think that my coursework and undergraduate research experience at the University have provided me with the foundation for further study as a graduate student. While interested in broad ranges of topics in chemistry, I am partial to inorganic and materials chemistry. My next goal is to attain a PhD in chemistry. I know I am ready to put forth the time and fort to obtain this goal.

　　I believe that the *** University has the resources to allow me to accomplish my goals. Perseverance, determination, and hard work are the keys to being a successful graduate student and I am ready and willing to conquer this challenge. These traits will not only help me in my graduate studies but will carry on in my goals to be a successful student and chemist.

　　編輯回信：

　　Dear,

　　Your essay was a pleasure to read. You did an excellent job of sharing your life story. I took the essence of your essay and revised its structure, grammar, and style, giving it an elegance and sophistication that will set you apart from other applicants.

　　閱讀您的文章是一種享受。您在文中與讀者分享了您的生活歷程，寫得真不錯(cuò)。我抓住了您文中的精髓所在，并在結(jié)構(gòu)、語法和行文上進(jìn)行了一些修改，使文章變的更加高雅和更有說服力，從而使您在眾多申請者中能脫穎而出。

　　Most of my work focused on restructuring specific sentences to improve the essay&aposs overall flow and rhythm. I made changes to grammar, diction, and vocabulary, added statements to give your thoughts clarity and resonance, varied sentence length to hold the reader&aposs interest, and revised awkward passages as necessary. Mostly, I tried to increase the impact of your words by adding more force and detail to the essay.

　　我的修改主要集中于重組句子，提高全文的流暢性和節(jié)奏感。我進(jìn)行了如下操作：變換語法、措辭和詞匯，增加了一些語句從而使您的想法表達(dá)的更清楚并且前后呼應(yīng)，變換句子的長度從而使讀者不會感覺枯燥，還有，我對一些糟糕的段落進(jìn)行了必要的修改。總之，通過增加詞語的力度，我使全文變得更有說服力，同時(shí)也完善了文章的一些細(xì)節(jié)部分。

　　Here are my specific comments on each individual paragraph of your essay:

　　下面是我對每一個(gè)段落的編輯注釋：

　　第一段To grab the attention of the admissions committee, I seized upon one element of your original essay--your experience in AP Chemistry--and expanded it into an anecdote. Making your introduction as specific and personal as possible is often the best way to begin an essay. The new anecdote about your AP Chemistry course reveals both your experience and your dedication to chemistry.

　　為在一開始就抓住錄取委員會的注意力，我抓住了原文中一個(gè)亮點(diǎn)——您在高中時(shí)代當(dāng)化學(xué)特長生的經(jīng)歷——我把這段經(jīng)歷演化成了一個(gè)故事性很強(qiáng)的情節(jié)。把一段非常具體非常個(gè)性化的描寫做為您的第一段，通常是文章最好的開篇方案。這段演化后的小故事既回答了您是怎樣第一次接觸化學(xué)的，同時(shí)也表明了您對化學(xué)領(lǐng)域的熱愛。

　　第二段"It was not too involved and was geared toward learning the basics."

　　“學(xué)習(xí)那些基本的東西對我而言是小菜一碟?！?/p>

　　One thing you should not do in this type of essay is downplay your accomplishments. Never admit that a class was easy or that you did not have to work hard to succeed. If a class is worth mentioning in an admissions essay, it should be one in which you worked hard and gained a lot of valuable information.

　　寫申請信時(shí)，您不應(yīng)該對您的成就輕描淡寫。永遠(yuǎn)不要說任何課程很容易，或者您不需要付出努力就獲得成功。如果某一門課程出現(xiàn)在您的申請信中，那么必須是那種您曾經(jīng)為之奮斗過而且獲得了很多收獲的課程，否則，那就干脆提都別提。

　　In this paragraph, I also put more emphasis on the description of how you were accepted into the *** Academy. This is a very impressive accomplishment and should be given greater prominence in your essay.

　　在這段中，我還重點(diǎn)描寫了您是怎樣獲得空軍軍校的錄取的。這是一個(gè)給人深刻印象的成就，應(yīng)該在文中置于更顯著的地位。

　　第三段You showed strong instincts in mentioning your continued study of science at the *** Academy. It is wise to express the idea that your interest in science persisted throughout your life and that it was not simply a fickle choice when your first option (becoming a pilot) fell through.

　　您非常本能地提到了您在軍校中還繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)喜歡的科學(xué)。您非常聰明地在文中表達(dá)了這樣一個(gè)信息：您對自然科學(xué)的興趣自始至終貫穿著您的一生，而并不是當(dāng)您的第一目標(biāo)(當(dāng)飛行員)失敗后的無奈選擇。

　　第四段The moment that you discovered that your eyesight would prevent you from flying was clearly a major turning point in your life. In the revised essay, I have included a new paragraph that explains how you dealt with this setback. Describing how you overcame this obstacle shows your character, and it provides a good dramatic moment that maintains the reader&aposs interest.

　　您突然發(fā)現(xiàn)您的視力問題使您不能上天飛行，這顯然是您一生中的一個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)。在修改后的文章里，我增加了一個(gè)額外的段落來解釋您怎樣面對這個(gè)挫折。描寫您怎樣跨越這個(gè)挫折能夠體現(xiàn)出您的性格，這樣一段戲劇性的生動的描寫能夠牢牢抓住讀者的興趣。

　　第五段"My first semester at *** University was a difficult semester during which I did not know what I wanted to do any more."

　　“我在 *** 大學(xué)的第一個(gè)學(xué)期過的很艱難，我不知道我想干什么，人生目標(biāo)感沒有了?！?/p>

　　Instead of giving the impression that you took up chemistry as a last resort, I have tried to soften this message. In the revised essay, I suggest showing that your time at UTA simply made you more convinced that you wanted to dedicate your life to chemistry.

　　原文總讓人感覺，化學(xué)是您無奈之下的選擇，我則盡量淡化這一信息。在我修改后的文章里，您在 *** 大學(xué)期間越來越相信化學(xué)才值得您奉獻(xiàn)一生。

　　第六段Again in this paragraph, I tried to play up a major accomplishment that you only casually mentioned in your original draft--your commission as an intelligence officer. Although this experience is not directly related to your intended degree, it does show a high level of responsibility and discipline.

　　在這段中，我再次重筆描繪了一個(gè)被原文一筆帶過的成就——您在軍隊(duì)擔(dān)任情報(bào)員的經(jīng)歷。盡管這段經(jīng)歷并不與您要申請的專業(yè)直接相關(guān)，但是能夠體現(xiàn)您高度的責(zé)任心和嚴(yán)格的紀(jì)律性。

　　第七段I rewrote your final paragraph to remind the committee of your strengths and character. In addition, I added more dimension to the description of your career goals. Without specifically addressing your future plans (even if they are subject to change), you do not fully answer the question.

　　我重寫了最后一段，再次提醒了學(xué)校錄取您的優(yōu)點(diǎn)和個(gè)性。此外，我拓寬描寫了您的職業(yè)目標(biāo)。學(xué)校錄取方期待著看到申請者對他們的未來做一個(gè)具體的計(jì)劃(即使未來是可能變化的)。

　　Overall, the revised essay is a clearer, smoother version of the original. I gave your essay the style and detail that will hold the reader&aposs interest and make you stand out as a worthy applicant. Please bear in mind that as an editor, I have a bias to change things rather than to leave them the same. You should read the revised essay carully and choose the changes that best suit you.

　　縱觀全文，修改后的文章比原文更清晰更流暢。我為您的文章賦予了能夠抓住讀者興趣的風(fēng)格和細(xì)節(jié)描述，從而使您脫穎而出成為錄取方眼中一位有價(jià)值的申請者。同時(shí)我要提醒您的是，作為一名編輯，我本能地想修改一切，盡管有些修改可能不會完美地適合您的具體情況。因此，請您認(rèn)真地閱讀修改后的文章，自行決定哪些部分的修改是適合您的。

　　Good luck with your Chemistry Ph.D.

　　祝您好運(yùn)!

　　Sincerely,

　　----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

　　編輯后的PS：

　　"This semester," bellowed the teacher as he addressed the room of high school seniors, "I will make you all chemists." The class let out a collective groan. The teacher continued unfazed. "You will all have to complete a real research project using the facilities of local universities." Like most of my classmates in my high school Advanced Placement (AP) Chemistry course, I dreaded the huge amount of work that loomed bore me. Little did I know that this work would help determine my future. In the months ahead, I committed more time to this one course than I ever had bore, poring over chemistry textbooks and working in the laboratory into the early hours of the morning. I always had an inkling that my future lay in science and technology, and this experience proved it beyond question. The methodical laboratory preparations, the interweaving of theory and practice, and the tangible results of a successful experiment all appealed to my disciplined and inquisitive nature. By the end of my senior year, I had developed a solid foundation in the principles of chemistry, and just as my teacher had promised, I was on my way to becoming a chemist.

　　Despite my growing interest in chemistry, I still harbored dreams of becoming a fighter pilot in the Air Force at the time of my high school graduation. Even as I spent my evenings in the laboratory for AP Chemistry, I woke up early in the morning to run and do a routine of sit-ups and pushups. I was preparing for the rigorous physical and mental demands of the *** Academy. Over the course of previous summers, I had experienced the sweeping rush of glider school and had soloed in my first motorized aircraft. I hoped for the challenging life of an Air Force pilot and was on my way to making it a reality through sweaty self-discipline and intense mental focus. On one sunny afternoon, I saw a thick letter in my mailbox. I was now a cadet at the Academy.

　　As with all military institutions, the first years at the Academy were intensely demanding. Strenuous endurance tests, high-level academic work, and hazing by upperclassmen made a junior cadet&aposs life extremely trying. Nonetheless, I thrived during these years because I never lost my sense of focus or my love of chemistry. Even as I dreamed of being a fighter pilot, I found my chemistry courses to be highly engaging and challenging. All cadets were given a choice of academic tracks, and I had chosen science and engineering. As in high school, I worked in the laboratory late at night and ran early in the morning. Whenever I got fatigued, I just remembered how close I was to fulfilling my goal of becoming a pilot.

　　After a visit to the ophthalmologist one day, my dreams of airborne glory were abruptly shot down. My vision did not meet the Air Force standards required of pilots. It was a crushing blow, and at first I did not know what to do. Nonetheless, I knew that I was not without direction. Once again, my life pushed me towards studying chemistry. This was a subject that I knew I would enjoy, so I packed up my science textbooks, threw away my flight training manuals, and headed back to my hometown college, the *** University.

　　As much as I had loved chemistry bore, my studies at *** University convinced me that I had found the right vocation. I was particularly inspired by Prof.***. Like my high school chemistry teacher, Prof.*** knew that the best way to instill an appreciation for the field was through active research and meaningful laboratory work. He believed that one should never learn from a book what one could learn from a beaker, flask, or Bunsen burner. As soon as I explained my experience and interest in the field to him, he offered me a position in his group doing research on the decomposition mechanisms of electro-optic dyes. The research I performed involved finding suitable organic dyes for electro-optic modulators. After months of grueling work and wise guidance from Prof.***, I was ready to present my research at *** Meetings. Networking with chemists from around the country allowed me to glimpse not only other possible fields of chemical research, but also the potential career options I might want to pursue. Had it not been for Prof.***&aposs personal guidance and help, I doubt that my future career plans in chemistry would be as clear as they are today.

　　Because of my two-year commitment to the Air Force, I was unable to apply to graduate school directly after college. Instead, I spent two years serving as an intelligence officer. From this job, I have greatly improved my analytic ability, communication skills, pressure management techniques, and patience as a researcher. Like chemists, intelligence officers often have to construct coherent models of reality from incomplete pieces of data. This position has offered me insights and training that no classroom setting could match. Nonetheless, I am ready to return to my first love, chemistry.

　　Although my life has taken some unexpected turns in the last few years, the field of chemistry has been an unwavering companion and a source of intellectual interest. Whether it was discovering research in high school, learning advanced chemical theories at the Air Force Academy, or presenting my findings at meetings of the Chemical Society, the lure of studying physical structures has always guided my decisions. My advanced research in electro-optic modulators and my course work in classes such as Molecular Orbital Theory have given me the analytical ability, laboratory skills, and theoretical knowledge to excel in a rigorous doctoral program. During my Ph.D. studies, I intend to focus on inorganic and materials chemistry in order to design new materials for use in industry. By a stroke of fate, the weak vision that prevented me from becoming a fighter pilot allowed me to envision my future as a successful chemist.

　　下面澳際小編給大家分享美國編輯是如何修改ps個(gè)人陳述的，大家通過閱讀可以掌握ps寫作的一些技巧。

　　PS原文：

　　Since my time in school I have always known that science and technology was the direction I would take in my studies. It was a fascination that still carries on with me to this day. In my first chemistry class in high school I became conscious of the feeling that chemistry was something I really enjoyed. Since that time I have been down many paths that have led me back to the field of chemistry.

　　The first chemistry course I took in high school was much like any other class. It was not too involved and was geared toward learning the basics. However, I did well and was given the opportunity to take an Advanced Placement (AP) chemistry course, which I lunged at taking. The instructor, Mr. Miller, tasked us with choosing a topic to research throughout the semester, in addition to regular coursework. This was my first real introduction into research. I enjoyed going to the local universities and spending time looking through all the material.

　　Additionally, I wanted to be a pilot for the Air Force. The appeal of flight to me was great, and I spent much of my time devoted to becoming a pilot. Through much physical and mental preparation I made it into the *** Academy. My dream of becoming a pilot was well on its way. I had gone through glider training and soloed in my first aircraft. I also still had a fondness for science and opted for the science and engineering track of courses offered at the Academy. However, after two years there I learned that I would not become a pilot after all. My vision was not up to Air Force standards. It was a demoralizing setback, but one I knew I could overcome. I lt the Academy and returned to my hometown school, *** University.

　　My first semester at *** University was a difficult semester during which I did not know what I wanted to do any more. I knew I liked chemistry but I wasn&apost sure it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The military had taught me to persevere in times of adversity, so I stuck with the chemistry program. The chemistry department at the University took me in and showed me what chemistry was all about. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in labs performing experiments and learning the basics of chemistry. However, I needed more than laid out lab experiments from the books. This motivated me to seek an opportunity to perform research with Prof.***. After speaking with him, he offered me a position in his group doing research on decomposition mechanisms of electro-optic dyes. Taking him up on his offer was likely the turning point in my education as an undergraduate chemist. If not for his personal guidance and help, I doubt I would be where I am today: a young chemist with motivation and a love for chemistry.

　　The research I performed involved finding suitable organic dyes for electro-optic modulators. After gaining some experience in the lab and conducting long hours of research, I was able to present my research at *** Meetings. Networking with other chemists and seeing their research allowed me to see the full value of the courses I&aposve taken as an undergraduate. It was also during this time I decided to make chemistry a career.

　　When I completed my bachelor&aposs degree I had a two year commitment in the Air Force which I am currently close to completing. My time in the Air Force as an intelligence analyst has given me real world experience which I know I will need in the future. Completing tasks while communicating with many different people in extremely time sensitive situations has provided me with skills that no book or classroom can offer.

　　I think that my coursework and undergraduate research experience at the University have provided me with the foundation for further study as a graduate student. While interested in broad ranges of topics in chemistry, I am partial to inorganic and materials chemistry. My next goal is to attain a PhD in chemistry. I know I am ready to put forth the time and fort to obtain this goal.

　　I believe that the *** University has the resources to allow me to accomplish my goals. Perseverance, determination, and hard work are the keys to being a successful graduate student and I am ready and willing to conquer this challenge. These traits will not only help me in my graduate studies but will carry on in my goals to be a successful student and chemist.

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