SAT寫作學(xué)生原作與老師修改文章示例.

下面是一位同學(xué)在練習(xí)SAT寫作時(shí)的一篇文章，第二頁是老師對其進(jìn)行的修改，用粗體標(biāo)出，大家可以對照他的原文和修改后的文章，看看自己是不是也會犯這樣的錯(cuò)誤，引以為鑒。

學(xué)生原文：

Assignment: Is talking the most fective and satisfying way of communicating with others?

Talking, which is the most used communication device in life, seems to be genuine and personal. However, talking is also a device full of rhetoric, which makes things complicated. On the other hand, some other communications are much more fective and satisfying than what we perceive.

Singing is sometimes rerred to the poems with voices and rhythm, and it helps us to give out all kinds of emotion through every single patch of our voice, accentuation, and things like that. Take Susan Boyle as an example. She was diagnosed to have difficulty in learning when she was born. And her studying life did bring her a lot chiding and mocking, and so she was called ‘Simple Sussy’. And she’s not good at talking appropriately and formally; as a result, she tool a job in kitchen after graduation from high school. However, she always nudged other’s disapproval of her away and keeps chasing her dream- to be a singer. The moment she stood on the stage of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, no one thought this old Scottish granny could shock the world, but Susan’s ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ even moved the tip-ticking judge Simon and become another ‘American Dream’. If Susan had not kept polishing her singing skills, she would live a boring life in the country, with poor talking talents.

Moreover, talking does not have the power of alluding, which is the icon of body behavior. Take gesture as an example. We can easily find out that either Hilary Clinton or President Obama has his or her own gesture when they are talking. And scientists find the secret of such gestures, which will make people not digress from the lecture or gain more confidence of the addresser. May Obama take an advantage of a more influential gesture, and beat Hilary Clinton in the competition inside the Democrats.

We should not forget the magic of talking, provoking people, changing the social climate, and many things we cannot force others to do. However, singing may sometimes more satisfying than talking, and express all of our emotion with grace; gestures may sometimes make people change their minds in seconds while talking may take hours.

下頁為老師修改后的內(nèi)容（粗體部分）：

Assignment: Is talking the most fective and satisfying way of communicating with others? Talking, which is the most frequently used communication device in life, seems to be genuine and personal. However, talking is also a device full of rhetoric, which makes things complicated. On the other hand, some other communications are much more fective and satisfying than what we perceive. Singing is sometimes rerred to the poems with voices and rhythm, and it helps us to give out all kinds of emotion through every single patch of our voice, accentuation, and things like that(original English,very good!). Take Susan Boyle as an example. She was diagnosed to have difficulty in learning when she was born. And her studying life did bring hera lot ofchiding and mocking, and so she was called ‘Simple Sussy’. And she’s not good at talking appropriately and formally; as a result, she took a job in kitchen after graduation from high school. However, she always nudged other’s disapproval of her away(vivid description) and keeps chasing her dream- to be a singer. The moment she stood on the stage of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, no one thought this old Scottish granny could shock the world, but Susan’s ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ even moved the tip-ticking(查不到這個(gè)單詞，用demanding) judge Simon and become another ‘American Dream’(good to show your master of American background). If Susan had not kept polishing her singing skills, she would live a boring(用humdrum, banal會顯得更有文采) life in the country, with poor talking talents. Moreover, talking does not have the power of alluding, which is the icon(core word of scholastic essay) of body behavior. Take gesture as an example. We can easily find out that either Hilary Clinton or President Obama has his or her own gesture when they are talking. And scientists find the secret of such gestures, which will make people not digress from the lecture or gain more confidence of the addresser. May Obama take an advantage of a more influential gesture, and beat Hilary Clinton in the competition inside the Democrats. We should not forget the magic of talking, provoking people, changing the social climate, and many things we cannot force others to do. However, singing is sometimes more satisfying than talking, and expresses all of our emotion with grace; gestures may sometimes make people change their minds in seconds while talking may take hours. I am deeply impressed by your command of arts and insightful thinking, as well as your mastery of writing skills. You know the essence of American culture, such as American Dream, icon, etc, well done! SAT寫作學(xué)生原作與老師修改文章示例SAT寫作學(xué)生原作與老師修改文章示例

下面是一位同學(xué)在練習(xí)SAT寫作時(shí)的一篇文章，第二頁是老師對其進(jìn)行的修改，用粗體標(biāo)出，大家可以對照他的原文和修改后的文章，看看自己是不是也會犯這樣的錯(cuò)誤，引以為鑒。

學(xué)生原文：

Assignment: Is talking the most fective and satisfying way of communicating with others?

Talking, which is the most used communication device in life, seems to be genuine and personal. However, talking is also a device full of rhetoric, which makes things complicated. On the other hand, some other communications are much more fective and satisfying than what we perceive.

Singing is sometimes rerred to the poems with voices and rhythm, and it helps us to give out all kinds of emotion through every single patch of our voice, accentuation, and things like that. Take Susan Boyle as an example. She was diagnosed to have difficulty in learning when she was born. And her studying life did bring her a lot chiding and mocking, and so she was called ‘Simple Sussy’. And she’s not good at talking appropriately and formally; as a result, she tool a job in kitchen after graduation from high school. However, she always nudged other’s disapproval of her away and keeps chasing her dream- to be a singer. The moment she stood on the stage of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, no one thought this old Scottish granny could shock the world, but Susan’s ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ even moved the tip-ticking judge Simon and become another ‘American Dream’. If Susan had not kept polishing her singing skills, she would live a boring life in the country, with poor talking talents.

Moreover, talking does not have the power of alluding, which is the icon of body behavior. Take gesture as an example. We can easily find out that either Hilary Clinton or President Obama has his or her own gesture when they are talking. And scientists find the secret of such gestures, which will make people not digress from the lecture or gain more confidence of the addresser. May Obama take an advantage of a more influential gesture, and beat Hilary Clinton in the competition inside the Democrats.

We should not forget the magic of talking, provoking people, changing the social climate, and many things we cannot force others to do. However, singing may sometimes more satisfying than talking, and express all of our emotion with grace; gestures may sometimes make people change their minds in seconds while talking may take hours.

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