為什么有些人對(duì)萬(wàn)事都懷有負(fù)罪感.

　　Do you have a continually guilty client? A person who feels bad over things they have no control over? A person who takes responsibility for other’s mistakes? Or a person who can’t seem to rest because there is so much to do?

　　你有沒有那種總有負(fù)罪感的客戶?比如一個(gè)會(huì)對(duì)他們無(wú)法掌控的事感覺糟糕的人?或是一個(gè)會(huì)承擔(dān)他人過錯(cuò)的人?又或是一個(gè)覺得萬(wàn)事纏身，疲于奔命，不敢休息的人?

　　Frequently their thoughts of “I should not have”, “I can’t believe I did this”, “I feel so bad”, or “I wish I could” plague their mind. In addition, they mistakenly believe that everyone else thinks this way too. These thoughts often paralyze them into hours or days of inactivity or worse senseless busyness. But there is a better way.

　　通常，他們的諸多想法，如“我本不該有的”，“我無(wú)法相信我竟然這么做了”，“我感覺很糟糕”或“我希望我可以做到的”侵蝕他們的大腦。另外，他們會(huì)錯(cuò)誤地認(rèn)為每個(gè)人都是這么想的。這些想法常常使他們幾小時(shí)甚至幾天都無(wú)法正常行動(dòng)，甚至更嚴(yán)重，毫無(wú)感覺地沉浸于自己的忙碌中。但實(shí)際上，這里有個(gè)好點(diǎn)的辦法。

　　The third stage of Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development is Initiative vs. Guilt which occurs during the delicate years of four to six. Taking initiative is the ability to formulate a plan, an idea, or a scheme and then begin the process. It does not necessarily mean completing it that is a different stage of development. Guilt is an emotion where a person feels responsible, takes blame, feels shame or remorse for something that has happened. Although, it does not necessarily mean that the person committed the action.

　　Erik Erikson的社會(huì)心理發(fā)展的第三階段是主動(dòng)性對(duì)負(fù)疚感，其出現(xiàn)于年幼階段，在4歲到6歲之間。創(chuàng)新是一種制定計(jì)劃的能力，提出點(diǎn)子，或策劃行動(dòng)方案，然后開始這個(gè)過程。采取主動(dòng)并不一定意味著能完成，而完成屬于不同的發(fā)展階段。負(fù)罪感是一種情緒，當(dāng)一個(gè)人懷有責(zé)任感，遭受指責(zé)，感到羞愧，甚至怨恨已發(fā)生的事情的情緒。然而，這并不一定意味著內(nèi)疚者確實(shí)有錯(cuò)。

　　The Psychology. These years are associated with the preschool and kindergarten years for a child when they either learn to take initiative or to feel guilty when they don’t. During this time, they are very interactive with play usually creating some type of random game or imaginary scenario to reenact. If a child is allowed the freedom to play their own game or be imaginative without criticism, they learn to take initiative. If not, they feel guilty because their idea was not good enough or was done the wrong way.

　　從心理狀態(tài)上來(lái)說(shuō)，這些時(shí)光與孩子的學(xué)前和幼兒園時(shí)光密切相關(guān)，當(dāng)他們要么學(xué)習(xí)創(chuàng)新，要么對(duì)他們不作創(chuàng)新的方面懷有負(fù)罪感。在這段時(shí)間內(nèi)，這段時(shí)間與玩耍時(shí)間相互作用，創(chuàng)造出某些任意類型的游戲，或是想象的重新扮演的情節(jié)。若孩子享有玩自己的游戲的自由，或不受批評(píng)的自由想象，他們會(huì)學(xué)到創(chuàng)新的精髓。若不然，他們就會(huì)懷有負(fù)罪感，因?yàn)樗麄兊南敕ú粔蚝没驔]有以正確的方式付諸實(shí)踐。

　　The Child. As the child progresses, if they have learned to take initiative they will naturally take responsibility in other areas of their life as well. They will want to learn and become more involved in their own basic care such as learning to cook (easy things), hygiene, academics, and sports. If they have not learned to take initiative, they may be uncharacteristically shy about trying new things without constant approval from others, they may be afraid to share ideas for fear of criticism, and often ruse any leadership opportunities.

　　從孩子本身來(lái)說(shuō)，隨著孩子漸漸成長(zhǎng)，逐漸取得進(jìn)步，若他們學(xué)到如何創(chuàng)新，他們自然而然也會(huì)在他們生活的其他方面懷有責(zé)任感。他們將渴望學(xué)習(xí)，變得參與到自己的基本護(hù)理中，如學(xué)會(huì)做飯(這不是件難事)，保持個(gè)人衛(wèi)生，學(xué)習(xí)上刻苦努力，以及鍛煉健身。若他們還未學(xué)到如何創(chuàng)新，他們可能變得不典型地對(duì)沒有他人的不斷肯定就去嘗試新事物而感到害羞怯懦，可能會(huì)變得害怕分享關(guān)于批判的恐懼，會(huì)經(jīng)常拒絕成為領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的機(jī)會(huì)。

　　The Adult. An adult who has learned to take initiative will handle change relatively well with an ability to formulate new plans as needed. They have learned to manage themselves and maintain a sense of self-control. However, the adult plagued by thoughts of guilt often takes on too much responsibility to mask their irresponsibility in other areas of their life. They constantly feel bad for others and try to “help” others even to their own detriment. Sadly, they are more than willing to subordinate their plans to others because their plan is never good enough.

　　從成年人角度來(lái)說(shuō)，一個(gè)又學(xué)會(huì)創(chuàng)新的成年人能夠分別很好地處理各種變化，且有能力根據(jù)所需制定計(jì)劃。他們會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)管理自己，且養(yǎng)成自我控制能力。然而，成年人會(huì)被負(fù)罪感所困擾，會(huì)常承擔(dān)太多責(zé)任來(lái)掩蓋生活中其他方面的不負(fù)責(zé)任。他們不斷對(duì)他人感覺抱歉，且試圖“幫助”他人平衡他們自己的傷害。可悲的是，他們不僅僅想要他人服從自己的計(jì)劃，因?yàn)樗麄兊挠?jì)劃總是不夠好。

　　The Cure. Recognizing the guilty thoughts and calling it guilt is half of the battle. The other half is counter-acting the thoughts with truth. For instance, if a person feels guilty because they got a promotion over a coworker, they need to stop and recognize that they are not responsible for the decision, a manager is. Moreover, perhaps the reality is that the guilty person, not the coworker, actually works harder and does deserve a promotion. As long as the guilty person did not jeopardize their coworker’s chance at the promotion, there is nothing to feel guilty over.

　　談到解決方法，戰(zhàn)勝它的一半在于認(rèn)識(shí)愧疚想法，并稱它為罪惡。另一半是將這些想法與事實(shí)相互抵消。舉例來(lái)說(shuō)，若一個(gè)人感到愧疚是因?yàn)樗驍⊥碌玫綍x升，那么他們需要停下來(lái)，認(rèn)清他們對(duì)這一決定并不需負(fù)責(zé)任，該負(fù)責(zé)的是經(jīng)理。再者，可能事實(shí)是感覺愧疚的這個(gè)人，不是同事，恰恰是更努力工作，并使自己的所為值得這一晉升。一旦負(fù)罪人并沒有在晉升中威脅到同事的晉升機(jī)會(huì)，就根本無(wú)負(fù)罪可言。

　　It is normal to feel guilty when a person has done something wrong. All other times, they are taking on more responsibility and risking their health and welfare in the process. Instead, the guilty adult must learn to shed the unnecessary guilt and begin to take initiative for the things they are responsible for handling.

　　做錯(cuò)了事會(huì)有負(fù)罪感是正常的。生活中其他時(shí)候，沒做錯(cuò)事仍有負(fù)罪感的人，則是在承擔(dān)更多責(zé)任，拿自己的健康幸福冒險(xiǎn)。相反，感覺內(nèi)疚的成年人必須學(xué)會(huì)擺脫不必要的負(fù)罪感，開始在他們有責(zé)任要去解決的事物中發(fā)揮創(chuàng)新能力。