14種飛機“怪咖”鄰座.

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　　The 14 people you don&apost want to sit next to on a plane

　　14種飛機“怪咖”鄰座

　　Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears, is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.

　　首先我要澄清一點：我天生是個樂觀友善的人，不易發(fā)怒。但令我忍無可忍的是，在飛機上遇到“怪咖”鄰座。如若遇到以下14種人，你確實是時運不佳。

　　The Nighttime Cuddler

　　1.“睡美人”

　　Airplane seats are uncomfortable, restricting and not equipped to be shared, so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. Depending on how deep the dreamer, you could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails, place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because, well, it’s better than sharing your shoulder.

　　飛機上的位子通常受限而且空間小不太舒服，要是鄰座的頭無意地慢慢往你這邊靠時可得當心了。要看他睡得多熟，當你試著好好地撐起這個睡美人的時候，你卻像在玩蹺蹺板游戲似的。無計可施時，拿毯子或枕頭擋在中間，總好過分享你的肩膀。

　　The Guy Watching Porn on His Phone

　　2.看色情片的家伙

　　This man may not be a threat to homeland security, but he is certainly terrorizing your rights and his dignity. Committing lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft will land this one in handcuffs, so you need to remove the threat. Do your duty and well, be a tattletale. If a person can’t last a flight without his precious porn, no one wants to imagine what he was doing in the bathroom—or even worse, under that over-sized laptop. Eek!

　　這種人對國家安全可能構不成什么威脅但是他絕對是那種無恥之徒并威脅著你的權利。若在飛機上有人公然干下流勾當，那么飛機得著陸拘留此人，所以你要消除這種威脅。你大可盡責告發(fā)他。如果一個人不看色情的東西就不能在飛機上待的話，那就難以想象他在衛(wèi)生間要作什么了，更不敢想象在這種超大筆記本電腦下面…… 唷!

　　The ADD child

　　3.多動癥兒童

　　It’s not cute when a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane… at 3 a.m. It might make you the Grinch from 10,000 feet above sea level, but throw on your snooze mask bore the kid has a chance to make eye contact.

　　凌晨3點，身邊的陌生小孩卻準備打開話匣子，一點也不可愛。這時你就像是來自距海平面10000英尺的鬼精靈一樣裝睡，不讓他(她)和你有眼神交流的機會。他可沒表面看來這么天真無邪。

　　The Snorer

　　4.打鼾者

　　As painfully obvious as the snorer is on this list of nightmares, he or she is equally as hard to spot. You will already be strapped in and mid-air bore this literal loud mouth assaults the quiet air. The real question in this situation is: to tap, or not to tap? There’s nothing worse than being startled awake, so we suggest gently nudging this person and then quickly pretending it wasn&apost you, or blaming it on someone else. “Oh, the snacks were coming around, they wanted to know if you wanted some Pop Chips!”

　　打鼾者是這個怪咖清單上極其常見的一種，但是你卻很難發(fā)現他。你剛系好安全帶到半空中的時候，刺耳的鼾聲便打破了空中本有的寂靜。這時候的問題是：你要不要拍醒他(她)?沒什么比被驚醒更糟糕了，建議你拍醒他(她)，然后假裝若無其事，或推說乘務員來過推銷商品。

　　The Arm Rest Hog

　　5.霸占扶手者

　　No one likes when his or her personal space is being invaded and the guy or gal who thinks they own the air rights to your armrest does just that. If you find yourself at a standstill and lt with only a sliver to rest your elbow, wait for the right moment and then really commit. As soon as he or she grabs for their drink, gets up to go to the bathroom or even reaches up to cover their mouth for a sneeze, swoop right on in there and stand your ground.

　　沒人喜歡私人空間被侵犯，關鍵是有些人認為他有權這么做。如果你發(fā)現自己的扶手被占的只剩塊擱肘的布的話,就等待時機奪回“領地”吧。一旦你的鄰座伸手去拿飲料，或起身上衛(wèi)生間，甚至是打噴嚏捂嘴的話，趕緊的撲上去，然后堅守住“陣地”。

　　The Talker

　　6.話癆

　　Earplugs. This chatty Cathy might be looking to make a friend, find a romance in the air or just wants tell you all about how her daughter just moved to Chicago and is “l(fā)oving it!” Whatever the motive, this person genuinely wants to make some sort of sky-high connection and is sure to be so taken aback by your rude, uninterested behavior that she will shut down. Arm yourself with something to drown out the sound so you can send a signal that this plane ride is all about sleeping.

　　帶上耳機是個辦法。這個愛閑聊的凱西可能想交個朋友，或者想在飛機上來場艷遇，或者只是想告訴你她女兒是怎樣搬到芝加哥并且深愛著這塊熱土的。不管她是什么動機，她就是想套近乎，如果你對她表現出不禮貌或者不感興趣的話，她會立馬停止。武裝自己，同時傳遞一個信息：飛機是睡覺的地方。

　　The Smelly Food Eater

　　7.怪味食客

　　Ever since airlines raised prices and lowered options for in-flight meals, travelers are boarding with bagged lunches or dinners more and more often. We totally support saving money and being prepared, but we can’t support food that tickles our senses. Be polite and opt for cold or room-temperature bites. Eat early on in the flight and dispose of your trash quickly.

　　自從機內餐價上漲，選擇減少后，帶餐登機的旅客越來越多。我們非常支持省錢并做好充分的準備但請別帶味道太重的食物，注意禮貌，帶一些涼的或常溫食物。在飛機上盡早吃完，并立即將垃圾處理。

　　The Diva

　　8.“大牌女神”

　　Here is one frequent flier you actually can spot from a mile away. She’s toting designer luggage (and needs your help storing it), expects everyone on the plane to work for her and is the last to switch her cell phone into Airplane mode. You have two options: be a good Samaritan and assist her when she asks things of you, like showing her how to buy the rom-com being offered as the in-flight movie; or steer her towards her other neighbor. It won’t drown her out, but it will make her someone else’s problem!You need to make her someone else’s problem.

　　這種人經常能碰到，而且大老遠就能發(fā)現她。她手提名牌包包(需要你幫她放好)，指望飛機上所有人都為她服務而且總是最后一個把手機調成飛行模式。你有兩個選擇：當個好人在她叫你幫忙的時候幫助她，比如教她在飛機上如何購買《全民情敵》這樣的電影;也可以把這包袱踢給別人，自然有人領受。把做好事的機會留給別人。

　　The Excessive Drinker

　　9. 酒鬼

　　There’s nothing wrong with slurping down a nice, stiff drink, but if you aren&apost headed to Vegas, an in-flight over-imbiber isn&apost cool. This hazard can escalate quickly: it’s loud, violates your personal space and is likely to leave in its wake a zonked-out and unwelcome cuddler (see above), unaware excretion spewer (see below) or even worse (uh, use your imagination). Make friends with a flight attendant and make sure this wasted rider gets cut off bore the fourth drink.

　　在飛機上適度喝點酒也無可厚非，但是你若不是去維加斯的話，又過度飲用就不是什么妙事了，各種狀況叫你不得安寧：在飛機上吵鬧，侵占你的空間，醒著的時候醉醺醺的，一會兒就趴你身上睡著了(參照上文)，抑或止不住的嘔吐(參照下文)，甚至更糟(額，發(fā)揮你的想象力吧)，建立與乘務員的友好關系，以確保鄰座喝酒不超過三杯。

　　The Frequent Bathroom-Goer

　　10. 尿頻者

　　Picture this: after a bumpy take-off, you quell your nerves and rest your eyes bore falling away into a deep and comforting sleep (ahh) – and then the person next to you needs to use the bathroom. No one should have to sit in pain with a suffering bladder, but there is a certain etiquette if you need to go more than the average person. Make sure to visit the little boy’s room bore takeoff and take advantage of moments when your seatmates are alert, or at least awoken by the flight attendants. When in doubt, find your inner track star and jump on over!

　　設想一下這個場面：飛機顛簸地起飛后，你閉目養(yǎng)神準備安穩(wěn)睡一覺，這時旁邊的人起身上衛(wèi)生間，作何感想。不是說要憋著，但你可以在不打擾鄰座休息時去。比如在飛機起飛前去衛(wèi)生間，要是你的鄰座敏感的話要選好時機，或者至少趁乘務員在旁他也醒著的時候。如果不確定的話，就走內道或者跳出去。

　　The In-Flight Primper

　　11. 空中化妝者

　　She seems like your average gal and then an hour bore touch-down her in-flight tray looks like her bathroom counter. She’s doing her nails (oh that smell!) and trying to apply mascara through turbulence. And then she drops her lipstick on your jeans and asks you if you think she looks pretty. Just say yes. It’s easier than the truth.

　　她看起來是個很普通的女孩，在飛機還有一個小時要著陸的時候，她就會搬出她的“化妝臺”。她涂指甲油時那個氣味呀、飛機顛簸的時候她還刷睫毛膏，還將口紅掉你褲子上。她問你她漂不漂亮，就說漂亮，這比說實話省事。

　　The Mile-High-Club Couple

　　12. 高空性愛男女

　　But if you frequently fly first class or often find yourself seated next to a bathroom, you’re sure to eventually encounter this simultaneously disappearing twosome. They’re the PDA-loving couple who can&apost keep their hands off one another, flirty strangers hitting it off in the front of the plane or bucket-list seekers trolling Virgin airline’s in-flight chat system will absolutely hog the bathroom, create an awkward air in the air for aware passengers – and leave you with one helluva story to tell your friends once you land.If only you could tell them to get a room.

　　經常坐頭等艙或衛(wèi)生間旁，你一定會遇到這種情況：如膠似漆的夫妻或情侶、一見鐘情的旅友或旅途尋歡者霸占著衛(wèi)生間,營造一個令其他乘客尷尬的氛圍。等你下機后，你準得和你的朋友抱怨好一陣。真希望能叫他們去開房。

　　The Terrified Traveler

　　13.飛行恐慌者

　　Everyone sympathizes with someone who is flat-out terrified, but handling a panic attack was not on this flight agenda. The fearful flier will probably be over-prepared as they chomp five pieces of gum during takeoff, clutch their over-sized water bottle to their chest and scan the aircraft with a look that screams, “Is this normal?!” The kindest thing you can do for this scared soul is to share your sleeping pills, especially if turbulence hits.It may be time to buy her a drink.

　　誰都同情有飛行恐慌癥的人，但是沒有人真想要碰上這種情況。飛行恐慌者會在起飛時嚼5顆口香糖，胸口緊握超大號水瓶，不安地四處掃視尖叫到“飛機正常吧?”。這時你最好拿幾顆安眠藥安慰這個惶恐的靈魂，尤其是飛機顛簸的時候。這時候應該請她喝一杯。

　　The Plane Farter

　　14. 空中放屁者

　　You think we don’t know who you are, but we do! We&aposve all heard your rationale: you think you are safe because the loud noises of the plane will drown out the loud noises coming from your seat cushion. But we can spot that overly satisfied look on your face as you lean in one direction bore getting all comfy and snugly in your seat. And, oh—that smell! Let us tell you something, mister, or sister: an airplane is a shared space. For the love of flying, mind your manners!

　　你以為我們不知道是誰放的屁啊，你錯了!我們早就聽說過你以為的那一套了：你以為飛機的噪音可以掩蓋你座墊下發(fā)出的聲音，但我們看到你歪向一邊時臉上舒暢的表情就知道：是你!臭氣熏天!先生，女士，記著，飛機是公共場所。有愛飛行，請注意你的舉止!